February, 1965

 John sat alone at the kitchen table behind his eternal newspaper while Lee stood at the stove fixing breakfast.  She was wearing one of his favorite shirts, which she took right off his back and refused to give up because, she said, she liked the way it smelled.  He didn’t wear any cologne, so what was she on about?  His sweat?  This brought a half smile to his lips and he cocked one eye over the paper to get a better look.  She had great long legs and shapely calves, which caused an immediate stirring in his loins, and always reminded him of the night they met.

But it was her breasts he was really fixated on.  They were the most beautiful breasts he’d ever seen – firm with large lovely pink nipples that swelled and responded to him instantly, and felt incredible in his mouth.  He called her ‘Best Tits in the West’ and she’d blush and hit him indignantly.  But he could tell she loved hearing it.

She wasn’t wearing anything under the shirt except maybe knickers.  He squinted his myopic eyes.  Yes, definitely knickers, which he still hadn’t gotten completely off yet, not after all these months.  She looked sexier in his shirt than any of the girls he’d laid looked naked, and he wanted her so bad he could taste it.  There’s definitely something to be said for abstinence, at least sometimes, he thought.  But that was nearing the end of its run. 

Teasing and embarrassing her had become a most enjoyable part of their game – lovemaking taken to the brink but never consummated.  But they managed to gratify each other just fine, despite the fact that she was still his sweet vestal virgin.  Hell, truth be told, he’d never made love to any bird the way he’d done her, even though he actually hadn’t “put it to her” yet.  Together they were slow, thorough and enjoyed every possibility.  Well, almost every, and he was quite enjoying showing her the way. 

A chuckle escaped him and she looked over her shoulder at him and smiled.   “What?” she demanded.  He retreated back behind the paper and laughed villainously. 

What was wrong with him?  They wanted each other desperately, yet he held back countless times, even when he had her to the point of begging.  They’d had several near misses, especially if she got going with “Please, John, now, I need to feel you inside me.”

He even almost took her late one night against the console at Abbey Road.

He’d been working alone, putting the finishing touches on “I Feel Fine,” and had just argued with Paul over the feedback idea.  Paul always felt things should be polished and perfect.  His own tastes ran to the untried and innovative.  He won, of course.  Let Paul do what he would with his own stuff.  He heard Lee yell up the stairs, “Anybody still here?”

“Up here, luv.”

“All alone?” she asked, entering the studio.  “Where is everyone?  Mal will be back in about twenty minutes.  Went to pick up some take-away.  We’re starving,” Lee grinned as she made her way up to the control room.

“Mal’s always starving.  Come ‘ere and have a listen.  Be honest,” John warned with pointed finger, and placed a headset over her ears.  He rewound the tape and pushed ‘play’ and watched her face carefully for reaction.  Five seconds later, she broke into the most delighted smile and kept her hands on the ears of the headset until the song was through.

“I can’t believe how fantastic it turned out!  I know it’s just probably a mistake, but I love that noisy feedback before the first note.  It’s incredible the way it just blends right in.”

“Incredible, huh?  Not really.  I worked on it for five fucking hours, which you would know if you were here.  Old Mr. Martin really started losing his patience.  Where were you, anyway?  I sent Mal to pick you up after class hours ago.”

“Brian needed help at the office.  Wendy’s on holiday.  I thought Mal came back and told you.  Sorry, my love,” she said as she stood on tiptoe and stroked his cheek, kissing his lips chastely, yet so seductively.  My God, he loved her so much.  She didn’t even realize how supportive she’d just been of his idea for the record.  She was always a great sounding board, and they all respected her opinion.  She wasn’t a yes girl and was never afraid to say “that one wasn’t so great.”  It had become “ask the resident American teenager,” and she would throw something at whoever said it.   

“Yer not gettin’ off that easy,” he said as he backed her against the board.  She’d recently taken to wearing this “student gear” of knee socks, loafers, pleated skirts and blazers.  The little girl outfit and the fantastic tits were beginning to take their toll.

“You do know yer crippling me.  Can’t walk half the bleedin’ time,” he groaned as he ground his pelvis against hers.  He methodically started unbuttoning her blouse, staring unwaveringly into her eyes, threw the blazer over on a chair, then unhooked the bra under the blouse in a sleight of hand that would have astounded Houdini.  Her breasts came alive under his fingers, and his erection was, as he and the lads would rib each other, an “award winner.” 

“So the feedback’s okay?” he asked between slow sensuous kisses to her breasts.

She answered languidly as she pulled his shirt out from the waist of his trousers and put her hands up under it and stroked his back.  “Oh yes, another great Lennon/McCartney…” John slid his hand down the side of her leg, up under her skirt and between her thighs.  “…first.”  She gasped and grabbed hold of his wrist.

“I knew you would get a kick out of it,” he murmured, nuzzling her neck and whispering directly into her ear.  “You have an appreciation for the absurd and…” he forced his knee between her legs and parted them wider.  “…unexpected.”

“John…not here.”

“Right here,” he said forcefully, caressing her firmly and feeling her wetness coming through onto his fingers.  He was amazed at how wet and ready she always was for him. 

His double entendre not lost on her, and she arched up against his hand.  “Damn you, John Lennon, you make me deaf, dumb, blind and stupid.”

He felt her physically relax and surrender to him, and he got a good rhythm going with his fingers.

“You do know that song is for you, don’t you?” John asked.

“I was hoping,” she answered dreamily.

“So’s this,” he offered as he took her hand and placed it on him, holding it there.

“Oh, Dr .Winston, we meet again.” 

He moved her hand rhythmically.  “He was hoping to finally get to know you better, madam.”

“Madam is at your whim, sir.  Only, might we move to a more…”

“No, baby, now,” he groaned, undoing his trousers and freeing himself. 

As he placed himself where he so desperately needed to be, Lee sighed, “Oh yes, there,” and arched up to meet him, enfolding him snugly between her thighs as she’d done countless times before.  Her warmth and wetness enveloped him, and while he usually was able to guide them through these moves without taking the final plunge, he wasn’t feeling any such restraints tonight. 

Her lips found his as her hands held both sides of his head, and as her tongue entered his mouth, he thought he would die from wanting her so bad.  He roughly grabbed hold of the back of her thigh and lifted her leg up and around his waist.  His other hand then went for the infernal knickers keeping them apart, giving them a sideways pull and ending up tearing them.  The shock of this brought Lee down to reality with a sharp intake of breath as he positioned himself.  Her fingers laced themselves in his hair and held a handful tight as she braced herself, and her gaze met his, and while he searched her eyes for a “no,” all he saw was a loving “yes.”

Could he really be thinking of taking her here, like this?  Should he?  He could hear them laughing about it in the future: The little tart let me take her right there against the board!  No.  No, he couldn’t.  No, not her first time.  Girl’s first time should be slow and special.  God, in the past few years he’d unwittingly deflowered enough of them on tours to have learned that lesson.  He’d know as soon as the tears started or he heard that first cry out in pain what he’d done, cursing Neil and Mal in the process, and he’d have to spend a goodly amount of time comforting them and reassuring them and telling them how flattered he was that they allowed him to be the first.  Who needed it?

But he was going to be Lee’s first, and LAST. 

“Lee!  Anyone up there?” Mal’s voice boomed.

John pulled her to him protectively, so nothing could be seen.  “Wait in the car, Mal.  We’ll be right down,” he yelled.  He held her tenderly and caressed her back and whispered in her ear, “Stay of execution, ma’am.”  They both giggled.

“This girl is beginning to wonder if anyone is ever going to pull the switch,” she said.

“Oh?  Will anyone do?” he demanded, a definite edge to his voice.

“Well, he has to be great looking and write hit songs,” she teased.

“Seems we have a few of those,” he countered.

“And hung like a horse.”

“There you go.”  He pinched her thigh and grinned. “Now, go fix yerself, miss.  If my roadie sees you I shall have to blind him.”

This also had to stop, these constant inevitable interruptions.  He’d been telling her for some time they ought to get away together on holiday.  While he hoped she would jump at the idea, she would be evasive and change the subject.  And he knew why.  At home they could keep everyone wondering.  Going away would be spelling it out.

It was the unspoken rule that they never speak of it – he, Lee and Ringo, tiptoeing around each other.  He knew.  He knew that she loved Ritch very much.  Hell, he loved him too, his best mate, really.  So up-front and uncomplicated, a refreshing change he needed from himself and his own damned ego and demons.  John always felt he could relax with no need to impress around Ritch.  He kept them all grounded.  One had only to look at him to be reminded of where they all came from.

But he didn’t know what he would do if he thought Ring was having a go at Lee, or even just touching her the way he did.  John had absolute faith that she was in love with him only, and would not play them both.  But still…what did they do when they were alone?  Best not to dwell on it too much.  He’d fucking lose it fer sure…

John smiled at the memory of both of them all undone against the board.

“…toast?” 

He was abruptly brought back to the present.  “What?” he asked.

Lee repeated, “I said, do you want toast?”

“Yeah, sure.”

She put some bread in the toaster for him, and when she passed again he pulled her onto his lap and reached for her behind.  Just then George walked in.

“Breakfast buns?” he ribbed.

“And they’re all mine,” John said, squeezing, as his hand disappeared under the shirt and she tried to move it out.  He was winning.

“Yeah, you really lucked out.  But don’t you worry, luv,” George said, pouring himself a cup of tea.  “I will wait forever.  You and I are youngest, and pretty soon this old guy will be useless to you.”  He smiled and sat down with his cuppa, giving her his best “come hither” wink.

“Tell me,” Lee said, “What’s up with Ritchie?”  The men glanced at each other nervously.

George and John were in on the same secret.  They all were.  And unfortunately, Lee would know it soon too.  John had mixed feelings about what it would mean for the good of the group right now, but otherwise, he couldn’t be happier if he planned it himself.

“What do you mean?” George asked.

“He’s never here anymore.  Spends a lot of nights out lately and doesn’t invite us.  That’s not like him.  He’s still not home,” she said, glancing at the clock.

“C’mon, girl.  You tease the man to distraction.  He’s gotta have a shag now and again, no?” George asked.  John gave him a dirty look.

“I do not tease him,” she said, climbing off John’s lap, annoyed.  “As a matter of fact, I get the distinct feeling he’s been avoiding me lately.”

“He wouldn’t do that,” John said softly.  “He loves you very much.”

“I know that,” Lee said with downcast eyes.

At that very moment, Ringo turned his key in the door and let himself in.  He was so sick at heart, and they’d all told him he had to talk to her, and soon.  He agreed, but the time never seemed right.  Now time was running out.

How could he?  How could he tell her this?  That he was the biggest fool in creation for letting this happen?  Yev done it good, Richard, he thought bitterly.  She’s just a kid, she won’t understand.  Neither did he, come to that.  But there we had it and nothing could be done.  All the patient self-restraint he managed to exhibit had backfired, and now the better man would win.

He had felt sure Lee’s infatuation with John would fizzle itself out and she’d realize that they were meant to be together.  He and Lee loved each other, he knew this for sure.  She’d chosen him first, hadn’t she?  He should have just taken her early on when he had the chance.  He would have been more than happy to be facing this with her.  He could have had her when he came out of hospital the first time.  There they were, all alone, all the bloody time in the world, no interruptions.  But he was more concerned with looking out for her, not wanting to take advantage, waiting till she was a little older.  Being a “good bloke,” a gentleman.  Well, fuck being good. 

When he finally went back in hospital to have his tonsils out, ironically on Lee’s birthday in December, that’s when things went spare.  No one to blame but himself.  He sighed and pushed open the kitchen door.

“Mornin’ all!” he said.

“Good afternoon,” George countered.

“Whatever,” Ringo said.

“Ritchie,” Lee said warmly, “you look so tired, are you okay?  I’m worried about you.”

“I’m all right, luv.”  Ringo looked to the others, his normally sparkling eyes hooded and troubled.  George shook his head ‘no,’ which meant she hadn’t a clue yet. 

Ringo regarded her and felt the familiar tugging at his heart and constriction in his chest that happened whenever he was near her.  Now he would never get to be with her properly, make love to her the way he wanted.  He’d even fantasized about a life and future with this girl.  It had seemed that fate had brought them together across the miles, not just the convenience of having been born in the same town.  What were the odds that a clod like him would hook up with a great American bird like her?  Where could you find a girl where the laughs are the best part and she was not just some bubble headed twit?  Where indeed!

“Sit down, have some breakfast,” she said, putting down another plate.

He put his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, and her arms automatically went up around his neck and hugged him.  She felt so warm and loving.  He kissed her brow, and without even realizing it, his hand reached down and caressed her behind.  He felt her tense up and ease herself away from him.  That had become the pattern lately.  He had no right as it was, let alone that John was right there watching every move.  Two months ago this would not have been a problem.  Everything was different now. 

“Sorry,” he whispered to John as he sat down.  He was really depressed and John felt for him. 

Lee filled all their plates and made her escape to shower and dress.

“Never mind yer sorrys, mate, when are you gonna talk to her?” John said when he was sure she was out of earshot.  “It’s tomorrow, or did you forget?” he hissed.

“No John, I did not forget.  Sort of follows you around, like a bad smell.  If you think it’s so fuckin’ easy, why don’t you tell her?”

“Come on, Ringo.  You know this is something she needs to hear from you,” George said.

“Yeah,” Ritch said resignedly.  “It will all seem very real once I say it out loud to her.  No turning back.  And you know my biggest fear?  That she’ll be relieved.”

“Don’t think that’ll happen, son,” John said sadly.

“Thanks, at least, for that,” Ritch said.  “I know I’m in no position to preach, but you had better treat her right.  I kid you not, John.”

“Haven’t I been, though?  She’s still in the same state she arrived last summer,” John said defensively. “I deserve a medal, for Chrissake!  Who’d believe a bird would be safe that long ‘round the four of us?  Sometimes I can’t even think of kissin’ her after a couple of one night stands.  Doesn’t seem right somehow.  And she always knows when I’ve been with someone else.  She steers clear with that look in her eyes.”

“Yeah, I’ve had that look from her once or twice,” Ritch said.  “Not in a while now, though. How d’ya think she knows, anyway?”

“She’s a girl-child, woman-witch is what,” John said matter-of-factly.

“You can leave out the child part, John,” George said.

All three of them stared at each other, nodding in serious agreement.  It was amazing how important she had become to all of them in such a short time.  She was a non-instrument playing member of the group, essential as their girl, younger sister, best friend and mum.  She made it all right for them to show their softer sides and be united in their concern for her.  While they were always really tight as friends, they seemed to now be a real family.  

“Then I don’t get it.  Why hasn’t she picked up on this?” Ritch wanted to know.

“Because ye’ve been draggin’ yer arse in a major state of depression for weeks now.  Her maternal instincts have kicked in and she’s too worried to suspect the worst.  I think she’s worried that you’re sick or somethin’, and won’t tell her,” John said.

“I hate that she has to know this.  I always felt that she looked up to me and trusted me as a man who would take care of her.  She’s gonna hate me now.”

“If you think that, then you don’t know her at all,” George said as he got up and began rinsing his dish in the sink. “We’ll make ourselves scarce tonight, Ring.  Take care of this!”

***

Lee was vigorously scrubbing the shampoo into her scalp as she contemplated what happened in the kitchen.  Ritchie’d been sad and troubled for weeks and she wasn’t going to tolerate it any more.  She was going to get to the bottom of it, and soon.  

He hadn’t been right since the operation.  Had something gone wrong?  Did they find something in his throat they didn’t expect?  They couldn’t have, he was only twenty-four years old, much too young for anything to be seriously wrong.  She wished she could get them to stop smoking.  She was reminded of the coughing fits and shortness of breath her father always had.  Please God, let him be okay, she prayed.  It seems they’d all been walking on eggshells around him, being especially considerate.  That lot was not happy if they weren’t tormenting him.  Something was definitely up.  She wanted to scream and knock their heads together for making her worry this way.

She stepped out of her bathroom in her robe and found Ringo sitting on her bed, legs crossed, reading from the book that she had left open, face down, on the nightstand.

“Hi,” she said.

He looked up from the book and smiled, “Looks good,” he said.

“Pretty good.  I’ll give it to you when I’m done.”

“Yeah, good.”  He hesitated, then added shyly, “I was wondering, do you have any plans for tonight?  George and John have plans with Neil, and Paul’s still at Jane’s.  Been a while since we did anything together.  I thought maybe I’d take you up on your challenge and brave it into a cinema.  You always think we can do these things without a fuss.  The latest Bond is playing in Piccadilly.  Want to go?”

“Really?  You mean it?” she asked delightedly.  “Yes, definitely.  Sounds like great fun.”

“You’ll have to buy the tickets and popcorn, though, while I cower under my coat collar.”

“Chicken!”

“You better believe it.  We’ll have dinner out too.  A proper date.  We haven’t had one of those in a while,” he said wistfully.

“Two months, but who’s counting?”  Good, she thought, we’ll be able to talk over dinner and if he doesn’t open up, I’ll knock him senseless.

“Not you!  C’mere,” he said, getting up. 

She came to him and they embraced and held each other for quite a long time.  He felt so good, so comfortable and safe.  How was it possible to feel so deeply in love and committed to John and yet still love Ritch as much as she did?  He was such a good, sweet, loving man.  Was she a terrible person to feel this way?  Was it guilt over feeling that she abandoned Ritchie when she fell in love with John? 

But fall in love she did.  This was much too real and overwhelming to be anything but love.  If she had any doubt before, Australia made up her mind for her.  That first day back with John in the hotel room told her in so many ways that she could not give herself completely to anyone but him.  While she could very easily love Ritchie, she knew she would always be thinking “but he’s not John.”

She would not be having any such thoughts while with John.  John not only made her feel alive and complete, but aglow.  Lee knew the exact moment she came alive was when he had stared at her from across the room the day they met.  She had seen the aura around him then, and now she lived in it and there was no going back.  He consumed her.

“We’ll catch a late afternoon show.  Shouldn’t be too crowded then.  I’ll check the schedules,” Ringo said. 

“I’ll be ready,” she said as he left the room.

***

When Ringo slicked his hair back he took on a whole different persona – those gray streaks gave him a mature look of distinction and his nose shrunk considerably.  No one recognized him in the movies at all.  In fact, he got so cocky with it all that he insisted on buying the popcorn himself and drove the girl behind the counter crazy with a put-on Cockney accent, insisting that there was no butter on it.  She ended up topping it off three times.

“C’mon luv.  Manager paying you double time to be stingy?  Give it another hit.”

Lee’s eyes were busy scanning the lobby, hoping he wasn’t attracting too much attention, and at the same time she was stifling her laughter.

Inside, they cuddled together, Ringo putting his arm around her.  After a time, he started rubbing her shoulder and he pulled her to him and began making out with her.  It felt so lovely to them both, something they hadn’t done in a while.  Well, he seems like his old self, she thought.  Maybe he’s all right after all.

***

After tonight, she’ll never let me kiss her like this again, he thought.  And how could he?  It would be a constant state of self-policing from here on in.  The lads teased him about that and reminded him that they always had tours.  He knew that was a lousy attitude to go into this with.  They all deserved happiness, didn’t they?  And Lee would find hers with John.  This made him sad as well as angry – angry at himself, anyway. 

In the cab on the way to the restaurant, his resolve to finally tell her everything tonight was beginning to fade.  What good would be served by ruining their last night together?  She’d know tomorrow anyway, along with everyone else.  What possible good could come of this?  You’re being selfish, right up there with feeling sorry for yourself, Richard, both emotions not usually part of your make-up, he thought.  Of course he had to tell her.  He would.  Tonight.

***

While Lee sipped white wine and dug into her first course, Ringo was draining his second gin and tonic and looking around for the waiter.  When he spotted him, he held up his glass.  The waiter responded with a crisp “Yes, sir,” and Lee realized that Ritch was out to get loaded tonight.  She put down her fork and reached across the table for his hand.  He took hers and kissed it and enveloped it both of his.  He had gone into the men’s room earlier and come out looking his old Beatle self, and he was now staring into her eyes and smiling, but she could see something in his gaze, something troubling.

“Ritchie, please.  Talk to me.  I don’t know what it is, but something’s been bothering you.  Are you absolutely all right?  Healthy?  What’s wrong, please tell me.”

“Healthy?  Of course I am.  Haven’t I just been through the mill of tests from the hospital?  I’m fine.  Wonderful.”

“Really?  You wouldn’t just say that to keep me from worrying, because I’m worried anyway.  You really must tell me.”

His eyes held nothing but sincerity when he answered, “I promise you.  There is nothing wrong with me.”

“Then it must be something I’ve said or done.  Whatever it is…”

“Listen to me,” he interrupted, “you could never do anything so wrong to cause me to be upset with you.”  He kissed her hand again.  “Please, let’s have a good time tonight.  We deserve it.”

Just then, the waiter brought his drink.  He held up his glass.  “Cheers,” he said.  Lee held up her wine glass and repeated, “Cheers.”

***

The dinner was really wonderful, and he managed to make her forget all her worries and upsets over him.  He was so funny and charming, and it felt the same way it did between them in the early months of knowing each other.  In the cab on the way home he took her in his arms so naturally and began kissing her and caressing her breasts, and she made no move to stop him.  More than anything she wanted to reassure him that she still loved him very much and always would.  Besides, he’d been drinking and all men got amorous when they were drinking.  Two glasses of wine had relaxed away some of her inhibitions as well.

Stepping off the lift at home, he took her hand and led her into the stairwell leading to Neil and Mal’s flat.

“What are you doing?” she asked, as he led her up the stairs.

“Nobody’s home, and I really need to talk to you alone.  No interruptions.  Okay?”

“Okay,” she said.  She knew his guard was down because he slurred his words a bit, but she had an immediate sense of foreboding over what he might say or do, especially after

what had just happened in the cab.  She hoped more than anything it wasn’t going to be a confrontation about John.  She did not want to hurt Ritchie, but she couldn’t lie to him.  He unlocked the door with a key and switched on the light. 

“Here, let me have your coat,” he said, and hung both coats up on hooks in the hallway.  She ventured in and sat down on the sofa, feeling like an intruder.  He went into the kitchen and said from there, “’Ey, they live good up here,” and produced a bottle of Dom Perignon and two stemmed glasses. 

“Ritchie, you shouldn’t!” she admonished him. 

“Too late,” he said, popping the cork.  “Besides, you think they could afford this stuff on their salary?  I think not.  Don’t worry, I promise to replace it, okay?”  He poured two glasses and handed her one.  “Cheers.  To my champagne girl.”

“Let’s not start that again!”

He laughed.  “All right, what do you want to drink to?”

She emptied half her glass before answering timidly, “To always being up front with each other.”

Words to live by, he thought.  He filled their glasses again.  Only he knew what they were both hiding from each other, and the urgency in his eyes told her there was something really serious he was going to say.  She thought it was about John.  Instead of speaking, he emptied his glass and walked over to the hi-fi, glancing at the LP on the turntable. 

“Jesus, Nell, Johnny Mathis?  This is quite the little love nest.”  He switched it on and placed the needle on the disc.  Standing in front of her, he held out his hand and said, “Dance with me.”

“Ritchie…”

“Please?”

She got up and placed a hand on his shoulder.  He put his arm around her waist and pulled her to him.  They were both feeling pretty relaxed from drinking, and the formal dancing stance was abandoned and they both held each other with both arms as they danced.  Soon he was kissing her neck and her ear. 

Between her eyes being closed and the flat being small, she didn’t even realize that he had danced her into a bedroom.  The song ended and she lifted her head from his shoulder and opened her eyes.  He stepped back from her and took both her hands in his.  In the dim light from the other room she could see that his eyes were glazed over with tears.

“Lee, you do know how much I love you, don’t you?”  Her own eyes stung with tears.  Oh God, no, she prayed, please don’t let him do this.

“Of course I do.  I love you too, Ritchie.  But…”

“You don’t ever have to say anything about that, okay?  Please understand.” 

She wasn’t quite sure if he understood.  He pulled her over to the bed and sat her down, then sat down beside her.  “Promise me something?” he asked.  “Even if you don’t love me anymore, promise that you will never hate me.  I couldn’t bear it if I knew you hated me.”

“Hate you?  Where is this coming from?  How could you ask that?”

“It’s very important.  I need to know that you won’t hate me.  Please?”

“Please what?” she pleaded.  “I don’t understand.”

“No need to understand.  Just promise!”

She shook her head incredulously.  “I promise.  I promise I will never hate you.  Not ever.  Never.”  She stared into his eyes and hoped he could see and feel just how much she really loved him – that he really understood.

“I love you so much,” he said, as he caressed her cheek and began kissing her with an intensity she hadn’t felt from him in a while.  Being only human and with her defenses down, she responded to him with deeply felt love and affection.  She desperately hoped he would not go too far. 

He gently laid her down and eased himself on top of her while continuing to kiss her.  She felt his hardness between her legs.

“Ritchie…”

“Shhh,” he whispered, and stroked her cheek gently.  They were both fully clothed, but she was wearing very thin silk trousers, and she was able to feel him totally.  His slow deliberate thrusts against her were beginning to take over of their own volition, on both their parts.  She really must stop him.

“Ritchie, please…” she said, but he seemed to take it as encouragement.  “No, Ritchie, don’t.”

“Don’t worry, baby…”

“Richard!” 

He stopped abruptly, a bit out of breath.  “You’re right…I’m sorry,” he said, rolling off of her.  He stared up at the ceiling for a long while, then put his hands over his face.  She could see his rings glistening in the dim light.

“No need to be sorry, we both got carried away,” Lee reassured him.  She wondered how he wouldn’t question her saying that, after he’d just gotten away with going somewhat further than that in the past.  But the time seemed right for them to start being a little less physical with each other, she thought, more like the relationship she had with George – fun, but definitely in control. 

She was sure John would not appreciate either one of them touching her at all, but that was entirely too bad.  She knew what John was up to when he was out on the prowl, and she didn’t much appreciate that either.  At least she loved these men with all her heart, and she believed John understood deep down that they all loved and respected each other, and would never let things get too far.

Lee reached over and hugged Ringo, and rested her head on his chest.  His arm came around her and he knew he would not be telling her what he came out to tell her that night. 

***

“I don’t believe it, I don’t fucking believe it!”  Lee heard John’s voice bellowing in the foyer as she woke from a very deep sleep.  She wondered what had him so bent out of shape so early in the morning.

“Keep yer voice down,” Paul said urgently. “Will you, please?”

“Yeah, John.  Fer now, we’ll just leave a…”  George’s voice trailed off and Lee couldn’t hear the rest of what he was saying.  She heard Ritchie’s voice too, soft and muffled.  A couple of minutes later, she heard the door slam.  Curiouser and curiouser, she thought. 

She threw on a pair of dungarees and a sweater and went out to investigate, checking out all the bedrooms on her way.  Empty.  She headed for the kitchen.  Dishes and cups piled in the sink.  Well, at least they ate.  Why were they up so early?  It’s only 10:30, she thought as she crossed the living room and headed for the music rooms.  Nobody home. 

Was she suddenly a leper?  Everyone gone and no one telling her where they were off to.  Something was definitely up, as they liked her under their noses at all times, always making sure at least one of them was “looking after” her.  It really made her feel special, even though in reality she felt she was looking after them much of the time.  She smiled.  They enjoyed taking care of each other.

She tried to break them into the habit, if one was going to be gone for an extensive time, of leaving a note on the desk, please.  Sometimes it worked.  She strolled over to the desk in the foyer and did indeed find a note addressed to her in Paul’s illegible left handed scratch.

Dear Lee, 

Had an important errand, will be back in a couple of hours.  Wait for us, don’t move!

Love, Paul.

You moved, didn’t you?

 She laughed out loud.  Well, it doesn’t sound too ominous, she thought as she wondered what they were up to.  She needed a cup of coffee.

***

“Poor sod,” Paul said to George and John in the lift on their return home.

“Don’t say that,” John said.  “Ring’s definitely the marrying sort… poor sod.”  They all

laughed.

“Yeah,” said Paul, “But not right now, not under these circumstances and not to that girl, I don’t think.”

“I don’t know about that,” George said thoughtfully.  “Mo’s a good girl, it’ll be all right.”

“Hope so,” John said.  “Can you believe he didn’t tell her?  And left it up to us.”

“Not us, friend.  You,” Paul was quick to point out, as he gave John a shove.

John looked horrified.  He always backed away from difficult emotional confrontations.  He felt useless at them.  “How about,” he offered, “whoever sees her first has to tell?”  He needed a sporting chance.

“Deal,” Paul said, smirking.

***

Lee was lying on one of the sofas in the living room, finishing her book and awaiting their return.  When she heard fumbling at the door, she put down her book and sat up on her knees, leaning over the back of the sofa and staring at them as they stood at the top of the two steps.  They all wore suits and ties.

With lifted index finger, Lee made a show of counting three heads. “Hey!  What’s the story?” she asked in her best exaggerated Lower East Side accent.

They turned to her in unison and froze in place.  After a few awkward seconds and exchanged glances, Paul and John both gave poor George a shove forward down the steps.  Lee’s hackles stood on end.  No one was speaking, and the silence was getting to her.  Memories of the night before flooded back.  She got up and walked over to where George stood, the butterflies already jumping in her stomach.

“Well, George, it looks like you’re elected.   What’s wrong with him?  What happened?”

“He’s fine, luv, nothing like that.  He’s fine, really,” George reassured her.

“What then?”

George took a deep breath and turned to the others with a look of dread, and then turned back to her.  “C’mere, luv,” he said, and took her arm and walked her back to the sofa.  “Why don’t you sit down?”

“I don’t want to sit down,” she said, a little louder than she intended.  “Will you just tell me, please!”  John and Paul came closer to give support.

“Lena, we just came from the registry office,” George said softly.  “Ringo got married about an hour ago to Maureen.”

She had the feeling of being hit in the stomach and the wind being knocked out of her.  She couldn’t say a word, the shock of the adrenalin dump so great.  Her hands flew up to her mouth and she turned away from them.  She desperately needed to scream, to cry, but nothing would come.  All the countless times that tears were just below the surface for both joy and sadness, and nothing would give her release at this moment. 

When she started rocking back and forth, she felt strong arms turn and enfold her.  It was John, but she barely noticed, her mind racing, trying to make sense of what she had just learned.

How could this be?  Last night he was professing undying love for her, would have probably made love to her had she not stopped him.  Why?  Then it became clear, the only possible explanation.  She abruptly pushed John away.

“She’s pregnant, isn’t she?”  Lee said accusingly.

Paul said to the others, “Took her all of thirty seconds.”  He turned back to Lee.  “Yeah, it’s true.  If it’s any comfort, it’s just as much a shock and surprise to him as it is to you.  He told us he would explain to you.  Try not to be too upset with him.  He’s tortured enough as it is.”

All she could think at that moment was that he was not her Ritchie anymore.  He now had a wife, and soon he’d have a child.  No more holding and kissing him when she felt like it, no more going to him with a problem and being held in those strong reassuring arms.  No more of those fantastic lips on hers.  No more.  He was now someone else’s husband. 

She looked at all of them staring at her and wondered how she would be able to bear it when they all did this, one by one.  John put a hand on her shoulder, but she backed away.  He would do it too, wouldn’t he?  Break her heart for all eternity.  Some blonde trollop would come to him and tell him she’s pregnant, and that would be that.  One of the many that he gives himself to, but not to me, she thought bitterly.  Or he will fall in love with some great looking actress, or singer or journalist.  He could have anyone he wants.  Anyone.

That did it.  The tears came, and she ran from the room toward the bedrooms.  John wanted to hold her and comfort her, but she didn’t seem to want him right now, and he felt hurt and a bit put off.  He expected her to be hurt and upset, but he did not expect her to reject him the process.  He stood there a bit at a loss until he saw George go after her, and he and Paul followed. 

Lee had by-passed her room completely and was standing in the corner of the hallway, her head to the wall, sobbing hysterically.  George put his hands on her and she tried to shrug him off.

“Don’t!” George said firmly, shaking her gently.  She turned to him and collapsed in his arms, sobbing into his chest.

“Okay, okay,” George soothed her.  “It’s okay, baby.”  His arms came around her and he held her close and gently rocked her from side to side while whispering in her ear. 

She clung to him and John felt an overwhelming pang of jealousy that she allowed George to comfort her and not him.  When her crying started dying down, George said to her, “It’ll be alright, I promise.  You’ll see.”  He wiped the tears from her face with his hands and kissed her forehead and pulled her to him and held her tight.  “No more, okay?  All right now?” he asked.  She nodded reluctantly.  “Come, let’s go into the kitchen and get something to drink,” he said.

The four of them sat at the table drinking juice in awkward silence.  Paul took her hand.

“Listen, luv.  We managed to slip out a side door, but the press were waiting out front for them, so now the world knows, or is just finding out.  We rushed home so you wouldn’t hear it on the radio.  He promised us he would tell you last night.”

“I know that now,” she whispered.  “He tried.”

“Not hard enough,” John said sharply.

Lee looked up at him and then averted her eyes.   What?  John asked himself bitterly.  What the fuck have I done?

Paul continued, “Anyway, Brian is having a small reception tonight at his place, a few friends and family…but if you don’t think you’ll be up for it, that’s okay, ya know.”

“You and I don’t have to go,” John said.  “I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Lee gave it some thought.  It was something she could most definitely live without, and it certainly wouldn’t be easy seeing him there with his bride.  His wife.  God, would she ever get used to it?  She certainly did not want to break down or cause a scene.  But she also wanted to show him that she wished him well and was concerned for his happiness.

“I’ll be there,” she said.  No matter how she felt, Ritchie did not deserve to have a pouting brat to worry about right now.  “I’m going in to lie down for a while,” Lee said, and left the room. 

“Not so bad,” George said.  “She’ll be alright.”

“Yeah,” Paul said.  “John will keep her amused.”

“Today John can’t get arrested,” John said sadly.  “She won’t let me near her.”

***

The next day, they all slept late, and Lee never came out for breakfast.  By late afternoon, John tapped on Lee’s bedroom door and got no response.  He felt a definite draft coming from the bottom of the door and he let himself in.  Lee was not in bed, but the balcony door was wide open.   He stepped outside and found her, head resting on her hands, looking out at the bare trees of Hyde Park, lost in thought. 

The night before, Ritchie was barely able to look her in the eye when she approached him to congratulate him.  But she’d managed to kiss Mo and told her what a lucky girl she was.  Lee was quite sure that she knew that though; it was plain to see that she adored Ritchie.  Regardless, she knew that she would never try to trap John that way.  She’d been taking the pill for some months so she’d be ready whenever he was.  She never told him, though.  She did not want to appear pushy or, even worse, slutty.  Men truly have it made, she thought sadly. 

Later on, Ritchie had approached her and laced his fingers in hers.  “Can I talk to you a minute?”

“Sure.”  They walked into Brian’s study and he closed the door. 

“I apologize for last night.  I’ve been trying to tell you for a while, but…”

“I understand,” Lee told him.

“Do you? ‘cause I sure don’t.  You deserve better.  I just want you to know, it wasn’t some secret drawn out affair.  It was just one time, but that’s all it takes, apparently.  When someone’s crying on yer shoulder and you don’t want to be a total shitheel, and when that someone tells you they need you, and please, please, one last kiss, one last time, and everything is taken care of…” 

“How convenient, to get caught on the first try.  Are you sure that…”

“That it’s mine?”

“No, that there is one.”

“I spoke to the doctor.”

“I’m sorry.  It’s just that I could never, I mean…”

“I know.  I also want you to know that I meant everything I said last night.  I will always love you.  I saw this happening for us someday.”

Her tears spilled over and her arms came around his neck.  He held her tight.  “Thank God,” he said.   “I was so afraid of never holding you again.”

“I shouldn’t be holding you now,” she sniffed.

“That’s nonsense.  You have John, don’t you, and I know he loves you.  This doesn’t have to change how we feel.  I am going to try to make this marriage work, but no matter what happens in our lives, we will always know there is someone out there who loves us.”

“That could be dangerous.”

“Or exciting.  When we’re old and gray, it might come in handy.  You and I will always be okay.”

Lee thought about all that she and Ritchie talked about last night, and the feelings were bitter sweet.  The fact that she really wanted John more than life itself, and that she was off the hook was totally beside the point.  There was no guarantee that John was going to always want her – that some other girl wouldn’t push her out…

John interrupted her thoughts.  “Excuse me, miss, but it’s February in London.  No coat?”

“I needed some air on my face.  I’m not cold.”

“Well, I am.  Come on in, now,” he said, taking her shoulders and walking her back in.  He closed the door behind them, and reached for her hand as she walked away from him.

“Yer ice cold,” he said, as he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to warm her up.  She tried sideling out of his grasp.

“I told you,” she said, “I’m not cold.”

“Well, maybe it’s just that I’m hot,” he said with a grin.  She pulled away from him and went over to the dresser, pretending to rummage for something in the drawer.

“All right, what’s the matter?”  He was getting a bit tired of being brushed off.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Look, I think I can understand what you might be feeling, you and Ring are very close, and it’s a big adjustment for all of us,” John said.  “But, you must admit, this makes it easier for us, don’t you think?  You and I always had to deal with our guilt feelings…well, no more.”

She didn’t like the way he seemed to be sweeping Ritchie under the rug.  Or maybe he was voicing thoughts she already had and didn’t much care for.  Didn’t he know what she was going through, didn’t he understand anything?

“I never did anything I was ashamed of,” she said.

“No, of course not, but you know what I mean.  Now we’re free to be…ourselves, and not have to worry about…”

“Oh, you mean like the other night, when Ritchie and I almost…”

Up until that moment, John had been solicitous and sweet, but he was still harboring his jealousy from the day before and his mood switched in an instant.

“Almost what?” he asked, his jaw set, his mouth a thin line.  “What did ‘e do?”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?  It was pretty intense, and I don’t know that in the future he won’t…”

“If he didn’t touch you before, when he had the chance, he won’t do it now that he’s married.”

“You don’t know that.  He told me he will always love me.”  For reasons Lee was not entirely sure of, she was out to push John to the limit.

“Well then, you had better mind yerself, girl.  I won’t have it,” John said through gritted teeth, grabbing her arm.  She knew she was getting close, the tic in his cheek started.

“You won’t have it?  You won’t have it?” she said defiantly.  “I’ll try to keep that in mind the next time I smell another girl on you.”

“You haven’t had that experience in a while,” John said, grabbing both her arms and pushing her against the wall, holding her there.  “Maybe it’s time you have it again, because you obviously don’t appreciate what you’ve got.”  His voice dripped sarcasm and rage, but Lee was beyond worrying about self-preservation, and cared only about her sense of loss.  Rational or not, she was also convinced that something much more devastating would happen eventually, something she would not be able to bear.

“What I’ve got?  What exactly have I got, John?”

“Oh, so now you’re saying there’s been nothing between us all this time?  It’s been ME all along and you fucking well know it,” he yelled at her, squeezing her arms and shaking her against the wall a little harder than he intended.

This made her feel powerless and she had to strike back at him for humiliating her this way.  She managed to extract one arm and hauled up to smack his face, but he caught her wrist in mid-swing and held it in a vice grip.  She struggled with him.

“You want to hit me?  Go ahead, hit me,” he said, dropping her wrist.  “Hit me!”  She thought better of it and kept her hand down.  She was not going to test those waters.

“All I know is your whores get more of you than I ever did,” she shot back at him.

“I’ve made love to you like I’ve made love to no other woman.  Ever!  Do you understand?”  He was totally enraged, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her back toward the bed and throwing her down.

“Oh, and is that why I’m still a virgin?”

“That’s just a technicality.  You’re no bloody virgin.”

That finally did it, and Lee broke down.  John stood there a few moments watching her cry into her pillow, his anger still raging at the surface.  This marriage made her forget everything there was between them.  He never would have believed it; he thought he knew her, but it must have been Ring she really loved all along.  He was at a total loss.  What other reason was there for her to be acting this way?  He continued watching her, his emotions running wild, not knowing whether he wanted to lift her off the bed and shake some sense into her or, God forbid, force himself on her.

Go Read Part Two!

Lena King a New York State Supreme Court Clerk, and she loves her job.  In a prior incarnation she worked as a secretary and married quite young (twenty) to a Beatle person (twenty-one), a match made in Beatle heaven, or so she thought.  Would you believe his birthday was July 7th?  Typically, he had is mid-life crisis at thirty.  He got his new trollop and she got their beautiful daughter, who ironically, is now twenty years old.  She knows almost as much about the Fabs as her mother does, whether she likes it or not.  (She does.)  "How did they get outside the train mommy?" she giggled at four.  She's been spoon fed the stuff ever since.

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