Starr Trek - Part 2
Go Read Part One First!
grin lit up our space ship.
“Right lads, we haven’t much time until the aliens return.
Let’s get busy and pack up the instruments.”‘
neck throbbed as my blood pressure skyrocketed.
“Begging your pardon Paulie, but who are you calling lads?
We’re in our eighties, remember?
And what instruments are you referring to?
Your heart monitor or a bunch of gizmos from our spaceship?
And while we’re at it, how can you be so trusting of Ringo these
because he acts like a space alien does not mean that he can translate their
language, as he now claims.
For that matter, why did you allow him to speak to those thingies all
Even if he can understand them, I’m sure he completely screwed up
Just because the aliens haven’t zapped us out of existence yet
doesn’t mean... “‘
you have to go on complaining all night long,” Paul interrupted
“Come on, George.
Go below and grab the guitars and the drum.
And don’t forget Lennon.”‘
always liked a little lemon in my tea,” Ringo chimed in.
patted Rings on the shoulder.
“That’s the spirit, old man.”‘
raised his silvery eyebrows and pointed at me.
“You mean that old man’s a spirit?
I didn’t know that ghosts could live that long.”‘
blinked as I listened to the blood roaring through my head.
Where would it spurt out first?
Through my ears, or my nose?
No matter, I’d find out soon enough.’
on, Paulie,” I grabbed his arm.
“You stored musical instruments on this ship?
What in the (extremely colorful language deleted) were you thinking?
That we would wiggle our bums and sing love songs as we orbited the
pulled himself free and wagged a finger at me.
“Supposing NASA officials requested that we sing.
Wouldn’t do not to be prepared, would it?”‘
course we’re not prepared!”
“We haven’t rehearsed in over 7500 years!”‘
a matter of fact, George...”‘
a matter of fact, Sir Big Macca, your conducting a bunch of high school
students at this year’s Super Bowl does not constitute a Beatles
It doesn’t even constitute music.
I can’t believe they paid you 40 million dollars just to...”‘
folded his arms and nodded.
Ringo imitated the gesture.
“You always were jealous of me,” Paul chided.’
Ringo noted, “I’ve always been jealous of me.”‘
I actually heard concern in Paul’s voice.
“You’re starting to sweat.
Why are your eyes fluttering like that?”‘
debating whether to take my last blood pressure pill now, or save it until
the situation gets worse.
Do you think it could possibly get worse?”‘
squeezed my shoulders and breathed dill pickles up my nose.
“Cheer up, sourpuss.
Things aren’t so bad.”‘
eyes flew open.
“Have you forgotten, pickle brains, that we are four million
billion zillion miles from home, we don’t know how to pilot this
spaceship, we’ve lost touch with NASA, and we’re in the process of being
hauled away by Krishna only knows what?
And here you are, treating this like it’s a day at the beach.”‘
“Can I borrow your bathing trunks?
I can’t remember where I left mine.”‘
Paul jumped into action.
“I’ll go below and get the instruments.
George, you fetch John from the luggage bin.
Ringo, you keep a look out.”‘
furrowed his brow.
“What am I looking for?”‘
Stewart,” I hissed at him.
“Ask her for some UFO decorating tips.”‘
much rather ask her for some new recipes,” Ringo blinked at me.’
up the both of you and get to work!”
“Do I have to do everything around here?”‘
can move at an impressive rate, when he has to.
And he can carry an enormous amount of stuff.
He shoved a snare drum at Ringo, but the little drummer boy pushed
I refuse to carry a loaded weapon,” he held up his hands.’
I folded Ringo’s arms around John’s carrying case.
“Lennon was a man of peace.
You can hang onto him.”‘
picked up the bucket that contained me old clothes.
Let Paulie struggle under all the instruments.
He’s the one who wanted to bring them, anyway.
eyed the knight.
“Hey Paulie, do you think these aliens know that we’re one
hundred-and-something year-old ex-Beatles?
Do you think they kidnapped us so that we could give them a
raised an eyebrow in Ringo’s direction, then he turned towards me.
“Of course they know it’s us,” he reasoned.
“We’ve sent up hundreds of spaceships and not one of them was
ever kidnapped by aliens.
They must have been monitoring our broadcasts.”‘
find a safe haven!”
Ringo shouted as he struggled to maintain his balance.’
rolled his eyes.
“I forgot to mention, a couple of months ago, Ringo became a
partner in this new theme park that they’re building.
It’s supposed to simulate real-life disasters.
You know, like tornadoes and such.”‘
disaster theme park?”
“Sounds about right for Ringo.
Does it tell you what to do in case of alien takeover?”
we’ll find a way out of this, I promise you.”‘
of the corner of my eye, I saw John’s basket bouncing in Ritchie’s
I shouted as I started forward.
I couldn’t hold John steady while the ground was rumbling like
buried my head in my hands while Paul asked, “What rumbling?”‘
shook his head as he surveyed the ashes strewn across the floor.
Something like this always happens right before company’s set to
squeezed my eyes shut.
“There wouldn’t happen to be a broom aboard this ship?”
I asked Paul.’
carefully set the instruments on the floor.
“Uh, I don’t know.”‘
course there is!”
“Remember the big production NASA made about scrubbing the last
can’t have a proper scrubbing without a broom and some polish.
Probably maid service, too.
Do you think they’ll mind the footprints I made across the
you think they’ll mind the footprints I’ll make across your face?”
I batted my eyes at my batty former friend.’
off it, George,” Paul gave me a shake.
“You just mind him while I go off in search of a...”‘
for cleaning up that mess on the floor.”‘
the new arrival grinned.’
clutched at his chest.
Since my chest didn’t hurt, I grabbed hold of Paul’s.’
“It’s a dark day indeed when a NASA employee arrives in blue
jeans and a T-shirt.
Whatever happened to taking pride in your work?”‘
to see you too, Ringo.
Glad to see that aging hasn’t agreed with you at all.”‘
Ritchie’s so called “maid” turned to face Macca and me.
“You two doing the Tango, or what?”‘
what,” Paul wheezed.’
words roared out of my mouth before I could stop them
“Lennon you little (actually, a rather large) expletive!
Now you decide to reincarnate yourself?
thing of it is, Georgie, I had considered doing this long before.
But this reincarnation business is a whole lot easier for you than it
is for me.”‘
are you babbling about?” I growled.’
After you reincarnated yourself, you got to return home to your
like you can return to your wife,” I argued.’
point exactly,” Lennon grinned.
“My choice was to stay in heaven, or to return to my wife.
Who, I must remind you, is now a ninety-one-year-old Yoko Ono.
And here I am, looking and feeling as I did when I was
taken,” I said sourly.
“Still, why now?”‘
needed saving,” Lennon smirked.’
you can save us?”
I asked hopefully.’
course,” John asserted.
“As you well know, I spent the last 40 years in heaven learning how
to pilot a spacecraft, deal with three grumpy old men, and conduct
diplomatic relations with a bunch of alien life forms.”‘
that you even made it to heaven in the first place.
First time in history anyone every managed to bribe Saint...”‘
me a break, George.
Is it my fault the guy said he’d do anything for an autograph?
Anyway, I can at least do this.”‘
placed a hand on the still-gasping McCartney.
Paul released his chest as color returned to his face.
a miracle cure or anything,” John said.
“I just put you back the way you was before you was.
Don’t do it again, mate.
My super powers diminish with time.”‘
make a note of that,” Paul took a deep breath.
“Any chance you can use those powers to make us young again, like
why they invented LIPA-surgeries.”‘
lipo-surgeries, you nit.”
I made a note to tell Livvy that watching late night medical shows
really does pay off.’
actually he does mean LIPA,” Paul corrected me.
“My performing arts school now includes plastic surgery as an
see, LIPA offers free reconstructive surgery to aging rock stars.
It’s a fair deal.
The students get to try out their surgical techniques, and we keep
the operation confidential.”‘
eyebrows shot up.
“Oh, so that’s what happened to Mick...”‘
we don’t like to talk about him.”
Lennon,” I elbowed John.
“How about giving Ringo his mind back?
Better still, why don’t you zap us back to Earth?”‘
“What I don’t understand,” John asked Paul, “Is why you even
agreed to operate on that fellow in the first place.”‘
the student wanted the challenge of performing a nose transplant.”‘
ringo-ing,” Ritchie chimed.
“Would somebody mind the cat while I answer it?”
Starkey tossed a worried glance in our direction.’
worry, Rings,” I assured him.
“The cat’s safe.” ‘
elephant’s locked down, too,” Lennon waved.’
nodded and headed towards the exit hatch.’
Even if they are aliens, they must be fans.
So, be nice to them.
No more snide remarks, okay?”‘
spun Paul around.
You’re loonier than Ringo, you are!
Just because they gave us time to pack up, if we’re to believe
Ringo’s translation, doesn’t make them fans.”‘
Martha,” Ringo sang.
“Come on in.
George doesn’t like the wallpaper in here.
tapped Paul on the shoulder.
“What inspired you to bring me along on this journey, anyway?
Particularly as I was not particularly myself at that particular
fellas,” Ringo shouted, “Martha wants to give us a tour of her house.
Hurry up, the taxi’s waiting.”‘
hand it to Paul.
Even in the toughest situations, he manages to put on that dazzling
smile of his and just radiate confidence.
And when it turned out that the alien had no hands, Paul smoothly
lowered his arm and turned the gesture into a deep bow.
No sign of the arthritis.
Bully for him.
time I ever saw a fella kowtow to an oversized yield sign,” Lennon
He saluted triangular, yellow alien.
“Well, beep beep um beep beep yeah!” ‘
alien chirped a response.
Where was his mouth, anyway?
The sound seemed to be coming from his knees.
Which, just for the record, bent the wrong way round.
Was he wearing skin-tight pants, or were those things actually a pair
of black legs?
Ringo barked, “Don’t be rude.
Say hello to Martha.”‘
regarded the alien’s oversized, red eyes.
Didn’t once see them blink.
“Are we sure it likes being called ‘Martha’?”
“Maybe it would prefer ‘Fred.’“‘
Fred is on the way with the luggage cart,” Ringo explained.
“This is definitely Martha.
He says... “‘
says,” Ringo responded.’
a guy?” Paul
hello Mister Martha,” I managed.
jumped as the thing blared at me.’
insult him,” Ringo huffed.’
insult him,” John whacked my shoulder.
“You know better than that, Georgie Porgie.”‘
trumpeted in agreement.
I have to say, I’m very glad I’ve still got that one blood
pressure pill left.
I only hope I can figure out the right moment to take it.
that Fred, then?”
John asked as a red stop sign appeared.
Had the same legs as Martha, backward knees and all.
But the unblinking eyes were square and yellow.
Assuming those things were eyes, of course.’
that’s her,” Ringo confirmed.
“Pile the luggage on the cart,” he instructed.’
not taking that thing,” McCartney snatched the bucket out of my hands.
“What do you need an old bucket for?”‘
got my clothes,” I protested as I grabbed it back.
“It’s coming with,” I asserted and secured it onto the cart.”
Just for the record, I’ll admit that I had no reason in the
universe for hauling the thing around with me.
I simply wanted it because Paul said I mustn’t take it.
If nothing else, this trip has taught me not to trust any of his
on, fellas,” Ringo tugged John’s arm.
“We don’t want to miss our train.
I used to be a conductor, you know.”‘
you also used to be two foot tall,” I reminded him.’
prodded me in the ribs.
“Do you mind passing me that bucket, George?
I want to hit him with it.”‘
me first,” John begged.’
way, Lennon,” I argued.
“You’re young again.
You could hit him with any body part and nothing of yours would
why didn’t you reincarnate yourself as a twenty-year-old?”
John asked me.’
the two of you shut up?”
He turned, grinned at the alien, then frowned at John and me again.
“We’re probably the first representatives these aliens have ever
met from planet Earth.
Now let’s show them what we’re made of.”‘
guitar and mouth organ,” John replied.
“Isn’t that what they teach us at Beatle school?”‘
somebody check to see if we can breathe alien air?” I asked.’
already through the entry passage,” Paul called back.
“It looks like he’s breathing okay.”‘
how come you didn’t reincarnate at a younger age?” Lennon persisted.’
wanted to be the same age as my wife.”‘
do you know she wouldn’t have preferred a younger fella?” John
Yoko is going to prefer being with a younger you?”
I shot back.’
have to bring that up,” John groused.’
said, shut it!” Paul hissed again.’
pooper,” Lennon mouthed at me.
“Should have left him home.
Anyway, why do you reckon these aliens look like oversized street
do you think their kids look like?”
do you think their street signs look like?” ‘
suddenly fell into me.
Paul just shoved me.
You want to try that again, old knight?”‘
“Look I’m warning you.”‘
are you going to do, Paulie?
Give me a traffic ticket?”‘
you realize how important this is?” Paul asked.
“Doesn’t being on an alien space ship mean anything to you at
I can’t watch my favorite shows on the telly,” John replied.’
sighed as Ringo approached.
“I’m sorry to say that the doctor is running a little behind
have to wait your turn.”‘
run your little behind today,” Lennon said cheerfully.’
first,” I demanded.
“I’ve been waiting all day to get him.”‘
John, get hold of yourselves,” Paul pleaded.
“We have to stick together.”‘
I agreed. “So
we can overpower the aliens, take over their ship, and fly ourselves back to
the bit where we get the girl and save the universe?”
she blond?” Ringo asked.
“I’d fancy a blond.”‘
Paul argued, “we need to find out where we’re going.
Ringo, can you ask the aliens where we’re going?”‘
don’t have to, Paul.
I already know the answer.”‘
star man,” John nodded, “and were you planning to share this information
is,” Ringo said slowly, “I don’t think you’d understand the answer,
in an astronomical sense.”‘
I asked. “Would
we understand the answer in a non-sense?”‘
yes,” Ringo brightened.
“They invited us aboard because their Mum told them to do it.”‘
Mumsy a billboard, then?”
John quipped as I searched for just the right object to ram right up
rested his hand on my back.
“Calm yourself, George.
You just have to show some patience with Rings, that’s all.”‘
plan to make him a patient, Sir Doctor,” I growled.
“In a mental ward.
And I’ll make sure that you’ve got a nice cozy room next door to
please sir, can I have a room all to myself, please sir!” John
opted to ignore the two of us.
“So Ritchie, let’s try this again, okay?
Ask the aliens how come they kidnapped us.”‘
already know why,” Ringo said.
“They all watched the movie Help.
Only they don’t know it’s a movie, them being aliens and all,
they only show documentaries on their telly.
So, they think Help is a real life story and that we are real life superheroes.
And they need some superheroes to fight this war they’ve been
vey!” John erupted.’
you been hanging out with?” I asked Lennon.’
you mind them,” Paul dragged Ringo away from us.
“I can see how they can make a mistake like that, them being so
different from us.
So, Rings, you’ve got to explain the situation to them.
Tell them that we aren’t superheroes, we were just pretending.
Can you do that for us, Rings?
Tell them it was an honest mistake, and we need to be returned to our
my memory’s a bit fogged,” Lennon said, “But I don’t recall acting
very superhero-like anywhere in Help.”‘
I reasoned, “I supposed you’ve got a very different perspective on life
when you grow up as a street sign.
Still, don’t they think we’re a bit old to be in the superhero
I glanced at John as he puffed out his chest.
“You excepted from that, of course.”‘
take a long time for our telly signals to reach all the way out to their
planet,” Lennon figured.
“They probably didn’t realize that some
of us had aged so much.”‘
something else they missed, too,” I noted.
“Nothing of too much importance, mind you.
Just the fact that you, John, were known for your anti-war protests,
and Paul became associated with defusing land minds.
And as for me...”‘
what you’re saying,” Lennon interrupted, “Is that the only one
qualified to lead us into battle is Ringo?”‘
he does speak the language,” Paul shrugged.’
wrong with you?” I shouted.
“Why do you refuse to acknowledge that Ringo has left the
we go look for him?” the boy wonder wondered.
“Or should we just have him paged?” ‘
guffawed as I held my head in my hands.
Paul did his best to look confident.’
“everything’s perfectly normal” look faded considerably after we found
ourselves inside the control room of the alien space ship.
That is, if we were to believe Ritchie when he told us that this was,
in fact, the control room.’
this how this place is supposed to look?”
I asked no one in particular.
me of the aftermath of a nuclear disaster,” John agreed.’
didn’t have time to color coordinate this room,” Ringo remarked.’
like Martha also neglected the holes in the ceiling, the rubbish on the
floor, and the delightful aroma of rocket fuel mixed with garlic,” I
like skunk than garlic,” John nodded.’
the steering wheel, or whatever they use for navigating?”
“For that matter, where’s anything resembling a control?”‘
twanged loudly and scratched my leg as I tripped over it.
I hope my doctor knows how to treat alien infections.
“Assuming that this is the control room, why did the aliens leave
us alone in here?”
probably want us to buy them some time while they get into their escape
pods,” John reasoned.
you think we could find those escape pods?”
touch that button!”
Ringo shrieked in Paul’s direction.’
I just stepped in something gooey.”‘
you activated the universal communicator!”
“Now everybody can hear us, including the enemy.
There’s no way to turn it off.”‘
John took over.
“Now hear this, everybody.
There’s no point in having a war.
Why don’t you just come over here and we can talk over our
That’s got to be better than getting people hurt and killed.”‘
waited for a bomb or something to go off, but nothing did.’
you go,” John grinned.
“They just needed somebody to take the first step.
Now all we’ve got to do is...”‘
not sure if I actually went unconscious or not.
But, I do know that somehow, I ended up on the floor, and Paul ended
up on my head.
And we don’t have to discuss exactly which part of his anatomy
faced which part of my anatomy.’
My arms shook as I pushed him away.’
shot at us,” John explained.
“So Ringo sent the ship into a dive.”‘
judges only gave us a 5.3 for technical merit,” Ringo said gravely, “But
we did earn a 5.9 for artistic interpretation.” ‘
we get through this part of the competition,” I grumbled, “I’d like to
show you my artistic impression.”‘
so what do we do now, oh mighty captain?”
music will soothe them,” Paul reasoned.
sing them a lullaby?”
“We’ve got our instruments.
We could play for them.”‘
be better off playing a tape for them,” I snarled.’
gets my vote,” John rummaged through the bag on our luggage carrier.
“What’s this one, anyway?
Doesn’t have a label.
John threw Ritchie the tape.
Rings shoved the thing into something resembling an oversized red
in there should be labeled.
turn the tape off!”
you shoved the tape in backwards,” I screamed over the noise.
“It sounds like a car wreck!” ‘
sounds like my wife!”
“What kind of technology is she using? How
did she manage to get her voice sounding like a muffler that’s being
dragged across a motorway?”‘
it off, turn it off!”
I demanded as I turned the boot over and shook the tape out.
“Thank heaven for that,” I sighed, as the noise ceased.’
she has aged a bit,” Paul said.’
her natural voice now?”
Lennon’s eyes widened.’
I really need to rethink this reincarnation thing.”‘
are you carrying a tape of hers, anyway?”
I asked Paul.
“Didn’t think you enjoyed her music.”‘
actually I think that my granddaughter put it in there.
She’s always sneaking me Yoko tapes.
She’s a serious fan, you see.”‘
well, it doesn’t look like the enemy is a big fan,” I pointed to an
image on a wall.
“Is that a live view screen?”
I asked Ringo.’
genuine stop-action features,” Ringo confirmed.’
they trying to ram us?”
“They’re going to hit us!
Ritchie, do something!” ‘
picked up a flowered teapot.
“Not to worry,” he assured us as he opened the lid and peaked
lowering the shields so they can come right on board.
It’s nearly tea time, you know.”‘
let them on board, you nit!” I shrieked.’
“How did you find out I knitted?
That’s supposed to be a secret.”‘
don’t let them in the control room,” Paul urged.
“At least not until they’ve been decontaminated, or de-weaponed,
about knitting me a sweater when this is all through,” John smiled
need a whole new wardrobe, you know.”‘
shut that door!”
“Something is approaching, and it doesn’t look like our road sign
like a parade of Austin Mini Coops,” I remarked.
“Circa 1967, if I’m not mistaken.”‘
sense, after hearing us broadcast a car wreck and all,” John nodded.’
Paul shrieked as a red mini broke from the pack of three and chased
him around the room.
I had me film camera,” John laughed.
winked at Lennon.
Try giving him an auto-graph!”‘
he’s asking for a tune-up!”‘
He whirled around and slapped the car across the front grill.
The car screeched to a halt.
The headlights dimmed.
Air, or something resembling it, hissed out of a front tire.
The windshield wipers fluttered.’
you’ve done it!”
John complained as the other two minis beeped in sympathy.’
they should know better than to chase an old man around,” Paul wagged a
finger at the car.
“It’s nothing personal or anything,” he explained.
ready,” Ringo announced.
“Come and get it.”
As the three cars cautiously rolled down their windows, Ringo gently
placed handfuls of biscuits inside the glove compartments.’
can they possibly be making those chewing sounds?”
“And how do they...”‘
let’s not get into alien hygiene,” I begged.
“Let’s just figure out how to end this so-called war so we can
yellow mini with the black roof slowly approached me.
I spread my arms wide.
“Sorry, I don’t have any food.”‘
little car beeped and drove right up to me.
The bonnet popped open.
The innards looked more like living guts, as opposed to a car’s
nuts and bolts.
“I don’t know what you want,” I protested.
I turned my head.
“Hey Ritichie, What’s it...”‘
You did that on purpose!” I yelped as I grabbed my injured knee.
“That’s the leg that had the two surgeries.”
I swore, as the car knocked me to the floor.
Suddenly, the mini didn’t look so cute.
It backed up and gunned its engine.’
stuffed!” John shrieked as he slammed something inside the car.
The bonnet immediately banged shut and the three cars assembled
themselves side by side.
They swayed gently and serenaded us with their horns.’
did you throw in there?” I asked as John helped me to my feet.’
Grabbed it off the luggage carrier, whatever it was.”‘
inspected our possessions.
Looks like you lost your bucket of clothes.”‘
thing wanted my clothes?”‘
be silly,” Ringo said as he poured tea down an alien tailpipe.
“You got pine cleaner all over your stuff, remember?
In this country, he who yields the pine cleaner gets to rule the
what happens now?”
Ritchie said, “in gratitude for what we’ve done, they’re going to
grant us one wish.
As long as we promise never to mention this entire alien encounter.
We’ve got to pretend that all we did today was orbit the moon sixty
times, as originally planned.”‘
“Then I wish...”
seem to be spending a good deal of time on the floor these days.
With Paul on my head, once again.
And somebody, probably Ringo, on my chest.’
off, the lot of ya!”
I shouted as I shoved them.
I couldn’t believe how easy it was to push the two fellas aside.
We’re young again!
All of us!”‘
and Ritchie grinned.
I noted that Ringo’s eyes no longer spun around in his head, but I
still managed a frown.
“This wasn’t my wish!
it,” Paul put his hands over my mouth.
“Don’t get them cross.
If they can do this, who knows what else they can do.”‘
about the war?”
greeted the road sign people.
and Fred warbled at Ringo.
The yellow mini beeped and opened its doors.
The signs hopped inside.’
it over, then?”
I asked Ringo.’
appears that we fixed everything,” Ringo grinned.’
exactly did we do?” I
didn’t have any negotiations or any agreements.
For that matter, what were they fighting over?”‘
do you reckon they’ll drive without arms?”
“Or do the cars do the actual navigating?”‘
do you two always have to worry about the unimportant stuff?”
“What’s going to happen to us?
I’m as young as my grandkids.”‘
sweat that,” John clasped Paul on the shoulder.
“George will figure out how to get Linda to reincarnate.”
He nodded at Ringo.
“And Mo, too, if you like.”‘
shook his head.
“Wouldn’t that complicate matters?” ‘
wives and a kid to support.”
I nodded at Paul.
“Or in your case, forty-five kids.”‘
frowned, then turned to Lennon.
“How are we going to explain all this to NASA?
What with the aliens making us promise not to reveal their
all had Lipa-surgery,” John decreed.’
him,” I pointed to John.
“How do we explain him?”‘
one ever could rightly explain him,” Ringo said.
“Come on you lot.
The cars are leading us back to our spaceship.”‘
aren’t you glad you brought all these instruments along,” I doled out
the guitars, the drum kit, and Paul’s bag.
“Lot of good they did us.
All we did was just haul these things around.
When in the end, all we really needed was my bucket.”‘
rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Hari.
Do you think you could go an entire minute without complaining?”‘
seconds maybe,” I compromised.’
red mini beeped frantically.’
says that this is as far as they go,” Ringo translated.
“After we get inside our ship, they’ll detach from us and close
up our hatch.”‘
and neighborly of you,” John waved.’
maybe Fred, stuck a foot out the yellow mini’s window.’
did you learn the alien language, anyway?”
I asked Ritchie.’
you know that I was a bit... pasT it,” he began.’
might have noticed,” I chuckled.’
wife and kids were always worrying that one day I’d get lost and not know
who I was or how to get home.
So they had one of those microchips installed in my shoulder.”‘
they used to do with dogs and cats?” I asked.’
So the police could identify me.
Well anyway, when those aliens started talking, the microchip just
started transmitting messages into my brain.
The chip even helped me figure out how to operate the
shook his head.
lads, let’s get these instruments put away,” Paul ordered.’
insisting on calling us ‘lads’, are you?”‘
eyed me. “Still
insisting on being a grumbling old man, are you?”‘
got to admit, I continued to grumble a few choice words under my breath as
we stowed our possessions and did our best to prepare the cabin for whatever
might come next.’
Ritchie,” Lennon tapped Ringo on the shoulder.
“Whatcha staring at?”‘
button on the wall,” Ringo pointed.
Paul and I came up behind the two of them.
“The one labeled ‘Emergency return to Earth’.
How come you guys didn’t see this before?”‘
on a minute, Ritchie,” I protested.
“Wait until we’re strapped in before you press...”‘
rockets roared to life and everything around us spun.
Guess where Paul ended up.’
I gave him a kick.
You bet that felt good!
Yes folks, there are some advantages to anti-gravity situations.’
long do you think we can handle being upside down like this?” Lennon
Paul hissed, “pull yourselves together.
The NASA camera just turned on.”‘
morning Beatles,” the NASA official trilled.
“Well, it certainly appears as if all those orbits have actually
reversed the aging process.
You’re all looking quite young and healthy, even if you are upside
you’re upside down,” Ringo mused.
NASA official frowned and pointed his index finger at us.
“One, two, three, four?
I thought we just sent up three of you.
Which one of you is the new guy?
Is it George who was added in?
Which one of you is George?”‘
shrugged, and the NASA official brightened.
“Well, luckily, that doesn’t fall under my job jurisdiction.
Somebody else will have to sort that out.
In the meantime, we thought we’d send you some wake up music.
This should be a blast from your past.”‘
the song soared through the cabin, I made a frantic grab for my pocket.’
don’t be popping a pill now,” Paul gripped my arm as he plastered a grin
across his face.
“Not while we’re still on international television.”
Yes Beatle fans, even in his newly reconstructed body, Paul can
struggle with me, hurl curses into my ear, and smile pleasantly at the
my blood pressure pill and I need it NOW!”
I watched in horror as the pill floated out of my grasp.
“Give it back!”
I insisted as I paddled about in circles.’
save you, son!”
John gave me a shove that sent my back end directly into the NASA
Lisha Goldberg is a freelance writer and editor. She also writes a newsletter for a Boston piano studio. Lisha has won several prizes for her writing, including the Boston Herald Star Trek Competition (write a eulogy for Captain Kirk!), CompuServe's Beatle Essay Contest, and Writers Digest Magazine Award for best Inspirational Short Story.
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