Paul’s grin lit up our space ship.  “Right lads, we haven’t much time until the aliens return.  Let’s get busy and pack up the instruments.”‘

My neck throbbed as my blood pressure skyrocketed.  “Begging your pardon Paulie, but who are you calling lads?  We’re in our eighties, remember?  And what instruments are you referring to?  Your heart monitor or a bunch of gizmos from our spaceship?  And while we’re at it, how can you be so trusting of Ringo these days?  Just because he acts like a space alien does not mean that he can translate their language, as he now claims.  For that matter, why did you allow him to speak to those thingies all by himself?  Even if he can understand them, I’m sure he completely screwed up their message.  Just because the aliens haven’t zapped us out of existence yet doesn’t mean... “‘

“That you have to go on complaining all night long,” Paul interrupted cheerfully.  “Come on, George.  Go below and grab the guitars and the drum.  And don’t forget Lennon.”‘

“I’ve always liked a little lemon in my tea,” Ringo chimed in.  ‘

Paul patted Rings on the shoulder.  “That’s the spirit, old man.”‘

Ringo raised his silvery eyebrows and pointed at me.  “You mean that old man’s a spirit?  I didn’t know that ghosts could live that long.”‘

Paul blinked as I listened to the blood roaring through my head.  Where would it spurt out first?  Through my ears, or my nose?  No matter, I’d find out soon enough.’

“Hang on, Paulie,” I grabbed his arm.  “You stored musical instruments on this ship?  What in the (extremely colorful language deleted) were you thinking?  That we would wiggle our bums and sing love songs as we orbited the moon?”‘

Paul pulled himself free and wagged a finger at me.  “Supposing NASA officials requested that we sing.  Wouldn’t do not to be prepared, would it?”‘

“Of course we’re not prepared!”  I snapped.  “We haven’t rehearsed in over 7500 years!”‘

Macca smirked.  “As a matter of fact, George...”‘

“As a matter of fact, Sir Big Macca, your conducting a bunch of high school students at this year’s Super Bowl does not constitute a Beatles rehearsal.  It doesn’t even constitute music.  I can’t believe they paid you 40 million dollars just to...”‘

Paul folded his arms and nodded.  Ringo imitated the gesture.  “You always were jealous of me,” Paul chided.’

“Personally,” Ringo noted, “I’ve always been jealous of me.”‘

“George, you okay?”  I actually heard concern in Paul’s voice.  “You’re starting to sweat.  Why are your eyes fluttering like that?”‘

“I’m debating whether to take my last blood pressure pill now, or save it until the situation gets worse.  Do you think it could possibly get worse?”‘

Ringo squeezed my shoulders and breathed dill pickles up my nose.  “Cheer up, sourpuss.  Things aren’t so bad.”‘

My eyes flew open.  “Have you forgotten, pickle brains, that we are four million billion zillion miles from home, we don’t know how to pilot this spaceship, we’ve lost touch with NASA, and we’re in the process of being hauled away by Krishna only knows what?  And here you are, treating this like it’s a day at the beach.”‘

Ringo brightened.  “Can I borrow your bathing trunks?  I can’t remember where I left mine.”‘

“Right,” Paul jumped into action.  “I’ll go below and get the instruments.  George, you fetch John from the luggage bin.  Ringo, you keep a look out.”‘

Ringo furrowed his brow.  “What am I looking for?”‘

“Martha Stewart,” I hissed at him.  “Ask her for some UFO decorating tips.”‘

“I’d much rather ask her for some new recipes,” Ringo blinked at me.’

“Shut up the both of you and get to work!”  Paul yelled.  “Do I have to do everything around here?”‘

Paul can move at an impressive rate, when he has to.  And he can carry an enormous amount of stuff.  He shoved a snare drum at Ringo, but the little drummer boy pushed him away.’

“Sorry, I refuse to carry a loaded weapon,” he held up his hands.’

“Here, take this.”  I folded Ringo’s arms around John’s carrying case.  “Lennon was a man of peace.  You can hang onto him.”‘

I picked up the bucket that contained me old clothes.  Let Paulie struggle under all the instruments.  He’s the one who wanted to bring them, anyway.  ‘

I eyed the knight.  “Hey Paulie, do you think these aliens know that we’re one hundred-and-something year-old ex-Beatles?  Do you think they kidnapped us so that we could give them a concert?”‘

“Earthquake!”  Ringo shrieked.’

Paul raised an eyebrow in Ringo’s direction, then he turned towards me.  “Of course they know it’s us,” he reasoned.  “We’ve sent up hundreds of spaceships and not one of them was ever kidnapped by aliens.  They must have been monitoring our broadcasts.”‘

“Fellas, find a safe haven!”  Ringo shouted as he struggled to maintain his balance.’

Paul rolled his eyes.  “I forgot to mention, a couple of months ago, Ringo became a partner in this new theme park that they’re building.  It’s supposed to simulate real-life disasters.  You know, like tornadoes and such.”‘

“A disaster theme park?”  I grinned.  “Sounds about right for Ringo.  Does it tell you what to do in case of alien takeover?”  ‘

Paul frowned.  “Look, we’ll find a way out of this, I promise you.”‘

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw John’s basket bouncing in Ritchie’s hands.  “Ringo!”  I shouted as I started forward.  “Don’t drop...”‘

“Oops,” Ringo blushed.  “Sorry lads.  I couldn’t hold John steady while the ground was rumbling like that.”‘

I buried my head in my hands while Paul asked, “What rumbling?”‘

Ringo shook his head as he surveyed the ashes strewn across the floor.  “Typical.  Something like this always happens right before company’s set to arrive.”‘

I squeezed my eyes shut.  “There wouldn’t happen to be a broom aboard this ship?”  I asked Paul.’

Macca carefully set the instruments on the floor.  “Uh, I don’t know.”‘

“Of course there is!”  Ringo bellowed.  “Remember the big production NASA made about scrubbing the last mission?  You can’t have a proper scrubbing without a broom and some polish.  Probably maid service, too.  Do you think they’ll mind the footprints I made across the ceiling?”‘

“Do you think they’ll mind the footprints I’ll make across your face?”  I batted my eyes at my batty former friend.’

“Come off it, George,” Paul gave me a shake.  “You just mind him while I go off in search of a...”‘

“Maid’s here!”  Ringo cheered.  “Hello, maid.  Thanks for cleaning up that mess on the floor.”‘

“Welcome,” the new arrival grinned.’

Paul clutched at his chest.  Since my chest didn’t hurt, I grabbed hold of Paul’s.’

“Where’s your uniform?”  Ringo demanded.  “It’s a dark day indeed when a NASA employee arrives in blue jeans and a T-shirt.  Whatever happened to taking pride in your work?”‘

“Nice to see you too, Ringo.  Glad to see that aging hasn’t agreed with you at all.”‘

“Thanks,” Ringo beamed.’

“Welcome.”  Ritchie’s so called “maid” turned to face Macca and me.  “You two doing the Tango, or what?”‘

“Or what,” Paul wheezed.’

The words roared out of my mouth before I could stop them  “Lennon you little (actually, a rather large) expletive!  Now you decide to reincarnate yourself?  Now?”‘

John smiled.  “The thing of it is, Georgie, I had considered doing this long before.  But this reincarnation business is a whole lot easier for you than it is for me.”‘

“What are you babbling about?” I growled.’

“Come on, George.  After you reincarnated yourself, you got to return home to your wife.”‘

“Just like you can return to your wife,” I argued.’

“My point exactly,” Lennon grinned.  “My choice was to stay in heaven, or to return to my wife.  Who, I must remind you, is now a ninety-one-year-old Yoko Ono.  And here I am, looking and feeling as I did when I was twenty-four.”‘

“Point taken,” I said sourly.  “Still, why now?”‘

“You needed saving,” Lennon smirked.’

“And you can save us?”  I asked hopefully.’

“Of course,” John asserted.  “As you well know, I spent the last 40 years in heaven learning how to pilot a spacecraft, deal with three grumpy old men, and conduct diplomatic relations with a bunch of alien life forms.”‘

I groaned.  “Amazing that you even made it to heaven in the first place.  First time in history anyone every managed to bribe Saint...”‘

“Cut me a break, George.  Is it my fault the guy said he’d do anything for an autograph?  Anyway, I can at least do this.”‘

John placed a hand on the still-gasping McCartney.  Paul released his chest as color returned to his face.  “Thanks, John.”‘

“Not a miracle cure or anything,” John said.  “I just put you back the way you was before you was.  Don’t do it again, mate.  My super powers diminish with time.”‘

“I’ll make a note of that,” Paul took a deep breath.  “Any chance you can use those powers to make us young again, like you?”‘

“Sorry, Paulie.  That’s why they invented LIPA-surgeries.”‘

“That’s lipo-surgeries, you nit.”  I made a note to tell Livvy that watching late night medical shows really does pay off.’

“Ah, actually he does mean LIPA,” Paul corrected me.  “My performing arts school now includes plastic surgery as an elective.”‘

“You what?”‘

“Yeah, see, LIPA offers free reconstructive surgery to aging rock stars.  It’s a fair deal.  The students get to try out their surgical techniques, and we keep the operation confidential.”‘

My eyebrows shot up.  “Oh, so that’s what happened to Mick...”‘

“Uh, we don’t like to talk about him.”  ‘

“Hey, Lennon,” I elbowed John.  “How about giving Ringo his mind back?  Better still, why don’t you zap us back to Earth?”‘

Lennon ignored me.  “What I don’t understand,” John asked Paul, “Is why you even agreed to operate on that fellow in the first place.”‘

“Oh, the student wanted the challenge of performing a nose transplant.”‘

“Doorbell’s ringo-ing,” Ritchie chimed.  “Would somebody mind the cat while I answer it?”  Starkey tossed a worried glance in our direction.’

“Don’t worry, Rings,” I assured him.  “The cat’s safe.” ‘

“The elephant’s locked down, too,” Lennon waved.’

Ringo nodded and headed towards the exit hatch.’

“Right,” Paul straightened.  “Listen fellas.  Even if they are aliens, they must be fans.  So, be nice to them.  No more snide remarks, okay?”‘

I spun Paul around.  “Fans?  You’re loonier than Ringo, you are!  Just because they gave us time to pack up, if we’re to believe Ringo’s translation, doesn’t make them fans.”‘

“Hello Martha,” Ringo sang.  “Come on in.  George doesn’t like the wallpaper in here.  Any suggestions?”‘

John tapped Paul on the shoulder.  “What inspired you to bring me along on this journey, anyway?  Particularly as I was not particularly myself at that particular time.”‘

“Hey fellas,” Ringo shouted, “Martha wants to give us a tour of her house.  Hurry up, the taxi’s waiting.”‘

Gotta hand it to Paul.  Even in the toughest situations, he manages to put on that dazzling smile of his and just radiate confidence.  And when it turned out that the alien had no hands, Paul smoothly lowered his arm and turned the gesture into a deep bow.  No sign of the arthritis.  Bully for him.  ‘

“First time I ever saw a fella kowtow to an oversized yield sign,” Lennon casually remarked.  He saluted triangular, yellow alien.  “Well, beep beep um beep beep yeah!” ‘

The alien chirped a response.  Where was his mouth, anyway?  The sound seemed to be coming from his knees.  Which, just for the record, bent the wrong way round.  Was he wearing skin-tight pants, or were those things actually a pair of black legs?  ‘

“George,” Ringo barked, “Don’t be rude.  Say hello to Martha.”‘

I regarded the alien’s oversized, red eyes.  Didn’t once see them blink.  “Are we sure it likes being called ‘Martha’?”  I asked.  “Maybe it would prefer ‘Fred.’“‘

“No, Fred is on the way with the luggage cart,” Ringo explained.  “This is definitely Martha.  He says... “‘

“Who says?”  John interrupted.’

“Martha says,” Ringo responded.’

“Martha’s a guy?”  Paul asked.’

“Isn’t it obvious?”  Ringo blinked.’

“Well hello Mister Martha,” I managed.  ‘

I jumped as the thing blared at me.’

“Don’t insult him,” Ringo huffed.’

“Don’t insult him,” John whacked my shoulder.  “You know better than that, Georgie Porgie.”‘

Martha trumpeted in agreement.  I have to say, I’m very glad I’ve still got that one blood pressure pill left.  I only hope I can figure out the right moment to take it.  ‘

“Is that Fred, then?”  John asked as a red stop sign appeared.  Had the same legs as Martha, backward knees and all.  But the unblinking eyes were square and yellow.  Assuming those things were eyes, of course.’

“Yup, that’s her,” Ringo confirmed.  “Pile the luggage on the cart,” he instructed.’

“You’re not taking that thing,” McCartney snatched the bucket out of my hands.  “What do you need an old bucket for?”‘

“It’s got my clothes,” I protested as I grabbed it back.  “It’s coming with,” I asserted and secured it onto the cart.”  Just for the record, I’ll admit that I had no reason in the universe for hauling the thing around with me.  I simply wanted it because Paul said I mustn’t take it.  If nothing else, this trip has taught me not to trust any of his decisions.’

“Come on, fellas,” Ringo tugged John’s arm.  “We don’t want to miss our train.  I used to be a conductor, you know.”‘

“Yeah, you also used to be two foot tall,” I reminded him.’

Paul prodded me in the ribs.  “Do you mind passing me that bucket, George?  I want to hit him with it.”‘

“No, me first,” John begged.’

“No way, Lennon,” I argued.  “You’re young again.  You could hit him with any body part and nothing of yours would break.”‘

“So, why didn’t you reincarnate yourself as a twenty-year-old?”  John asked me.’

“Will the two of you shut up?”  Paul hissed.  He turned, grinned at the alien, then frowned at John and me again.  “We’re probably the first representatives these aliens have ever met from planet Earth.  Now let’s show them what we’re made of.”‘

“Rhythm guitar and mouth organ,” John replied.  “Isn’t that what they teach us at Beatle school?”‘

“Shouldn’t somebody check to see if we can breathe alien air?” I asked.’

“Ringo’s already through the entry passage,” Paul called back.  “It looks like he’s breathing okay.”‘

“So, how come you didn’t reincarnate at a younger age?” Lennon persisted.’

“I wanted to be the same age as my wife.”‘

“How do you know she wouldn’t have preferred a younger fella?” John teased.’

“Like Yoko is going to prefer being with a younger you?”  I shot back.’

“Always have to bring that up,” John groused.’

“I said, shut it!” Paul hissed again.’

“Party pooper,” Lennon mouthed at me.  “Should have left him home.  Anyway, why do you reckon these aliens look like oversized street signs?”‘

“What do you think their kids look like?”  I mused.’

John guffawed.  “What do you think their street signs look like?” ‘

Lennon suddenly fell into me.  “Sorry mate.  Paul just shoved me.  You want to try that again, old knight?”‘

Paul whipped around.  “Look I’m warning you.”‘

“What are you going to do, Paulie?  Give me a traffic ticket?”‘

“Don’t you realize how important this is?” Paul asked.  “Doesn’t being on an alien space ship mean anything to you at all?”‘

“Means I can’t watch my favorite shows on the telly,” John replied.’

Paul sighed as Ringo approached.  “I’m sorry to say that the doctor is running a little behind today.  You’ll have to wait your turn.”‘

“I’ll run your little behind today,” Lennon said cheerfully.’

“Me first,” I demanded.  “I’ve been waiting all day to get him.”‘

“George, John, get hold of yourselves,” Paul pleaded.  “We have to stick together.”‘

“Right,” I agreed.  “So we can overpower the aliens, take over their ship, and fly ourselves back to planet Earth.”‘

“Where’s the bit where we get the girl and save the universe?”  Lennon questioned.’

“Is she blond?” Ringo asked.  “I’d fancy a blond.”‘

“Look,” Paul argued, “we need to find out where we’re going.  And why.  Ringo, can you ask the aliens where we’re going?”‘

“I don’t have to, Paul.  I already know the answer.”‘

“Right star man,” John nodded, “and were you planning to share this information with us?”‘

“Thing is,” Ringo said slowly, “I don’t think you’d understand the answer, in an astronomical sense.”‘

“Really?” I asked.  “Would we understand the answer in a non-sense?”‘

“Oh yes,” Ringo brightened.  “They invited us aboard because their Mum told them to do it.”‘

“Is Mumsy a billboard, then?”  John quipped as I searched for just the right object to ram right up Ringo’s---’

Paul rested his hand on my back.  “Calm yourself, George.  You just have to show some patience with Rings, that’s all.”‘

“I plan to make him a patient, Sir Doctor,” I growled.  “In a mental ward.  And I’ll make sure that you’ve got a nice cozy room next door to him.”‘

“Oh please sir, can I have a room all to myself, please sir!” John requested.’

Paul opted to ignore the two of us.  “So Ritchie, let’s try this again, okay?  Ask the aliens how come they kidnapped us.”‘

“I already know why,” Ringo said.  “They all watched the movie Help.  Only they don’t know it’s a movie, them being aliens and all, they only show documentaries on their telly.  So, they think Help is a real life story and that we are real life superheroes.  And they need some superheroes to fight this war they’ve been having.”‘

“Oy vey!” John erupted.’

“Who’ve you been hanging out with?” I asked Lennon.’

“Never you mind them,” Paul dragged Ringo away from us.  “I can see how they can make a mistake like that, them being so different from us.  So, Rings, you’ve got to explain the situation to them.  Tell them that we aren’t superheroes, we were just pretending.  Can you do that for us, Rings?  Tell them it was an honest mistake, and we need to be returned to our spaceship, right?”‘

“Maybe my memory’s a bit fogged,” Lennon said, “But I don’t recall acting very superhero-like anywhere in Help.”‘

“Well,” I reasoned, “I supposed you’ve got a very different perspective on life when you grow up as a street sign.  Still, don’t they think we’re a bit old to be in the superhero business?”  I glanced at John as he puffed out his chest.  “You excepted from that, of course.”‘

“Must take a long time for our telly signals to reach all the way out to their planet,” Lennon figured.  “They probably didn’t realize that some of us had aged so much.”‘

“There’s something else they missed, too,” I noted.  “Nothing of too much importance, mind you.  Just the fact that you, John, were known for your anti-war protests, and Paul became associated with defusing land minds.  And as for me...”‘

“So what you’re saying,” Lennon interrupted, “Is that the only one qualified to lead us into battle is Ringo?”‘

“Well, he does speak the language,” Paul shrugged.’

“What’s wrong with you?” I shouted.  “Why do you refuse to acknowledge that Ringo has left the building?” ‘

Ringo gasped.  “Should we go look for him?” the boy wonder wondered.  “Or should we just have him paged?” ‘

John guffawed as I held my head in my hands.  Paul did his best to look confident.’

Paul’s “everything’s perfectly normal” look faded considerably after we found ourselves inside the control room of the alien space ship.  That is, if we were to believe Ritchie when he told us that this was, in fact, the control room.’

“Is this how this place is supposed to look?”  I asked no one in particular.  ‘

“Reminds me of the aftermath of a nuclear disaster,” John agreed.’

“Martha didn’t have time to color coordinate this room,” Ringo remarked.’

“Looks like Martha also neglected the holes in the ceiling, the rubbish on the floor, and the delightful aroma of rocket fuel mixed with garlic,” I noted.’

“More like skunk than garlic,” John nodded.’

“Where’s the steering wheel, or whatever they use for navigating?”  Paul wondered.  “For that matter, where’s anything resembling a control?”‘

Something twanged loudly and scratched my leg as I tripped over it.  Great.  I hope my doctor knows how to treat alien infections.  “Assuming that this is the control room, why did the aliens leave us alone in here?”  I asked.’

“They probably want us to buy them some time while they get into their escape pods,” John reasoned.  ‘

“Do you think we could find those escape pods?”  I asked.’

“Don’t touch that button!”  Ringo shrieked in Paul’s direction.’

“What button?”  Paul asked.  “Yech.  I just stepped in something gooey.”‘

“Paul, you activated the universal communicator!”  Ringo yelled.  “Now everybody can hear us, including the enemy.  There’s no way to turn it off.”‘

“Right,” John took over.  “Now hear this, everybody.  There’s no point in having a war.  Why don’t you just come over here and we can talk over our differences.  That’s got to be better than getting people hurt and killed.”‘

I waited for a bomb or something to go off, but nothing did.’

“There you go,” John grinned.  “They just needed somebody to take the first step.  Now all we’ve got to do is...”‘

I’m not sure if I actually went unconscious or not.  But, I do know that somehow, I ended up on the floor, and Paul ended up on my head.  And we don’t have to discuss exactly which part of his anatomy faced which part of my anatomy.’

“Off!”  My arms shook as I pushed him away.’

Paul’s voice quavered.  “What happened?”‘

“They shot at us,” John explained.  “So Ringo sent the ship into a dive.”‘

“The judges only gave us a 5.3 for technical merit,” Ringo said gravely, “But we did earn a 5.9 for artistic interpretation.” ‘

“When we get through this part of the competition,” I grumbled, “I’d like to show you my artistic impression.”‘

“Right, so what do we do now, oh mighty captain?”  John asked.’

“Maybe music will soothe them,” Paul reasoned.  ‘

“What, sing them a lullaby?”  John asked.’

“No,” Paul replied.  “We’ve got our instruments.  We could play for them.”‘

“We’d be better off playing a tape for them,” I snarled.’

“That gets my vote,” John rummaged through the bag on our luggage carrier.  “What’s this one, anyway?  Doesn’t have a label.  Here, Ringo.”  John threw Ritchie the tape.  Rings shoved the thing into something resembling an oversized red boot.’

“No label?”  Paul mused.  “Everything in there should be labeled.  Unless...”‘

“Ringo, turn the tape off!”  Paul shouted.’

“Ringo, you shoved the tape in backwards,” I screamed over the noise.  “It sounds like a car wreck!” ‘

“It sounds like my wife!”  Lennon yelled.  “What kind of technology is she using?  How did she manage to get her voice sounding like a muffler that’s being dragged across a motorway?”‘

“Turn it off, turn it off!”  I demanded as I turned the boot over and shook the tape out.  “Thank heaven for that,” I sighed, as the noise ceased.’

“Uh, she has aged a bit,” Paul said.’

“That’s her natural voice now?”  Lennon’s eyes widened.’

Paul nodded.’

“Eech.  I really need to rethink this reincarnation thing.”‘

“Why are you carrying a tape of hers, anyway?”  I asked Paul.  “Didn’t think you enjoyed her music.”‘

Paul shrugged.  “Uh, actually I think that my granddaughter put it in there.  She’s always sneaking me Yoko tapes.  She’s a serious fan, you see.”‘

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t look like the enemy is a big fan,” I pointed to an image on a wall.  “Is that a live view screen?”  I asked Ringo.’

“With genuine stop-action features,” Ringo confirmed.’

“Are they trying to ram us?”  John asked.  “They’re going to hit us!  Ritchie, do something!” ‘

Ringo picked up a flowered teapot.  “Not to worry,” he assured us as he opened the lid and peaked inside.  “I’m lowering the shields so they can come right on board.  It’s nearly tea time, you know.”‘

“Don’t let them on board, you nit!” I shrieked.’

Ringo shot upright.  “How did you find out I knitted?  That’s supposed to be a secret.”‘

“Well, don’t let them in the control room,” Paul urged.  “At least not until they’ve been decontaminated, or de-weaponed, or something.”‘

“How about knitting me a sweater when this is all through,” John smiled sweetly.  “I need a whole new wardrobe, you know.”‘

“Ringo, shut that door!”  Paul insisted.  “Something is approaching, and it doesn’t look like our road sign friends.”‘

“Looks like a parade of Austin Mini Coops,” I remarked.  “Circa 1967, if I’m not mistaken.”‘

“Makes sense, after hearing us broadcast a car wreck and all,” John nodded.’

“Hey!”  Paul shrieked as a red mini broke from the pack of three and chased him around the room.  “Stop that!”‘

“Wish I had me film camera,” John laughed.  ‘

I winked at Lennon.  “Hey, Paulie.  Try giving him an auto-graph!”‘

John howled.  “Maybe he’s asking for a tune-up!”‘

Paul’s face darkened.  “Right.”  He whirled around and slapped the car across the front grill.  The car screeched to a halt.  The headlights dimmed.  Air, or something resembling it, hissed out of a front tire.  The windshield wipers fluttered.’

“Now you’ve done it!”  John complained as the other two minis beeped in sympathy.’

“Well, they should know better than to chase an old man around,” Paul wagged a finger at the car.  “It’s nothing personal or anything,” he explained.  ‘

“Tea’s ready,” Ringo announced.  “Come and get it.”  As the three cars cautiously rolled down their windows, Ringo gently placed handfuls of biscuits inside the glove compartments.’

“How can they possibly be making those chewing sounds?”  John asked.  “And how do they...”‘

“Please let’s not get into alien hygiene,” I begged.  “Let’s just figure out how to end this so-called war so we can get home.”‘

The yellow mini with the black roof slowly approached me.  I spread my arms wide.  “Sorry, I don’t have any food.”‘

The little car beeped and drove right up to me.  The bonnet popped open.  The innards looked more like living guts, as opposed to a car’s nuts and bolts.  “I don’t know what you want,” I protested.  I turned my head.  “Hey Ritichie, What’s it...”‘

“Ow!  You did that on purpose!” I yelped as I grabbed my injured knee.  “That’s the leg that had the two surgeries.”  I swore, as the car knocked me to the floor.  Suddenly, the mini didn’t look so cute.  It backed up and gunned its engine.’

“Get stuffed!” John shrieked as he slammed something inside the car.  The bonnet immediately banged shut and the three cars assembled themselves side by side.  They swayed gently and serenaded us with their horns.’

“What did you throw in there?” I asked as John helped me to my feet.’

“I don’t know.  Grabbed it off the luggage carrier, whatever it was.”‘

Paul inspected our possessions.  “Sorry, George.  Looks like you lost your bucket of clothes.”‘

“My clothes?  The thing wanted my clothes?”‘

“Don’t be silly,” Ringo said as he poured tea down an alien tailpipe.  “You got pine cleaner all over your stuff, remember?  In this country, he who yields the pine cleaner gets to rule the world.”‘

Lennon snorted.’

“So what happens now?”  Paul asked.  ‘

“Well,” Ritchie said, “in gratitude for what we’ve done, they’re going to grant us one wish.  As long as we promise never to mention this entire alien encounter.  We’ve got to pretend that all we did today was orbit the moon sixty times, as originally planned.”‘

“Great!”  I exploded.  “Then I wish...”  ‘

I seem to be spending a good deal of time on the floor these days.  With Paul on my head, once again.  And somebody, probably Ringo, on my chest.’

“Get off, the lot of ya!”  I shouted as I shoved them.  I couldn’t believe how easy it was to push the two fellas aside.  ‘

“Hey!”  Paul yelped.  “Hey!  We’re young again!  All of us!”‘

Paul and Ritchie grinned.  I noted that Ringo’s eyes no longer spun around in his head, but I still managed a frown.  “Hey!”  I roared.  “This wasn’t my wish!  I wanted...”‘

“Stuff it,” Paul put his hands over my mouth.  “Don’t get them cross.  If they can do this, who knows what else they can do.”‘

“What about the war?”  John asked.  ‘

“Welcome back!”  Ritchie greeted the road sign people.  ‘

Martha and Fred warbled at Ringo.  The yellow mini beeped and opened its doors.  The signs hopped inside.’

“Is it over, then?”  I asked Ringo.’

“It appears that we fixed everything,” Ringo grinned.’

“What exactly did we do?”  I asked.  “We didn’t have any negotiations or any agreements.  For that matter, what were they fighting over?”‘

“How do you reckon they’ll drive without arms?”  John mused.  “Or do the cars do the actual navigating?”‘

“Why do you two always have to worry about the unimportant stuff?”  Paul groused.  “What’s going to happen to us?  I’m as young as my grandkids.”‘

“Don’t sweat that,” John clasped Paul on the shoulder.  “George will figure out how to get Linda to reincarnate.”  He nodded at Ringo.  “And Mo, too, if you like.”‘

Paul shook his head.  “Wouldn’t that complicate matters?” ‘

I sighed.  “Two wives and a kid to support.”  I nodded at Paul.  “Or in your case, forty-five kids.”‘

Macca frowned, then turned to Lennon.  “How are we going to explain all this to NASA?  What with the aliens making us promise not to reveal their existence?”‘

“We all had Lipa-surgery,” John decreed.’

“And him,” I pointed to John.  “How do we explain him?”‘

“No one ever could rightly explain him,” Ringo said.  “Come on you lot.  The cars are leading us back to our spaceship.”‘

“Now aren’t you glad you brought all these instruments along,” I doled out the guitars, the drum kit, and Paul’s bag.  “Lot of good they did us.  All we did was just haul these things around.  When in the end, all we really needed was my bucket.”‘

Paul rolled his eyes.  “Come on, Hari.  Do you think you could go an entire minute without complaining?”‘

“Thirty seconds maybe,” I compromised.’

The red mini beeped frantically.’

“He says that this is as far as they go,” Ringo translated.  “After we get inside our ship, they’ll detach from us and close up our hatch.”‘

“Nice and neighborly of you,” John waved.’

Somebody, maybe Fred, stuck a foot out the yellow mini’s window.’

“How did you learn the alien language, anyway?”  I asked Ritchie.’

Ringo blushed.  “Well, you know that I was a bit... pasT it,” he began.’

“I might have noticed,” I chuckled.’

Ringo grimaced.  “The wife and kids were always worrying that one day I’d get lost and not know who I was or how to get home.  So they had one of those microchips installed in my shoulder.”‘

“Like they used to do with dogs and cats?” I asked.’

Ringo reddened again.  “Yeah.  So the police could identify me.  Well anyway, when those aliens started talking, the microchip just started transmitting messages into my brain.  The chip even helped me figure out how to operate the spaceship.”‘

Lennon shook his head.  ‘

“Right, lads, let’s get these instruments put away,” Paul ordered.’

I sighed.  “Still insisting on calling us ‘lads’, are you?”‘

Paul eyed me.  “Still insisting on being a grumbling old man, are you?”‘

I’ve got to admit, I continued to grumble a few choice words under my breath as we stowed our possessions and did our best to prepare the cabin for whatever might come next.’

“Hey, Ritchie,” Lennon tapped Ringo on the shoulder.  “Whatcha staring at?”‘

“This button on the wall,” Ringo pointed.  Paul and I came up behind the two of them.  “The one labeled ‘Emergency return to Earth’.  How come you guys didn’t see this before?”‘

Ritchie reached forward.’

“Hang on a minute, Ritchie,” I protested.  “Wait until we’re strapped in before you press...”‘

The rockets roared to life and everything around us spun.  Guess where Paul ended up.’

“Off!”  I gave him a kick.  You bet that felt good!  Yes folks, there are some advantages to anti-gravity situations.’

“How long do you think we can handle being upside down like this?” Lennon wondered.’

“Fellas,” Paul hissed, “pull yourselves together.  The NASA camera just turned on.”‘

“Good morning Beatles,” the NASA official trilled.  “Well, it certainly appears as if all those orbits have actually reversed the aging process.  You’re all looking quite young and healthy, even if you are upside down.”‘

“Maybe you’re upside down,” Ringo mused.  ‘

The NASA official frowned and pointed his index finger at us.  “One, two, three, four?  I thought we just sent up three of you.  Which one of you is the new guy?  Is it George who was added in?  Which one of you is George?”‘

Ringo shrugged, and the NASA official brightened.  “Well, luckily, that doesn’t fall under my job jurisdiction.  Somebody else will have to sort that out.  In the meantime, we thought we’d send you some wake up music.  This should be a blast from your past.”‘

As the song soared through the cabin, I made a frantic grab for my pocket.’

“George, don’t be popping a pill now,” Paul gripped my arm as he plastered a grin across his face.  “Not while we’re still on international television.”  Yes Beatle fans, even in his newly reconstructed body, Paul can struggle with me, hurl curses into my ear, and smile pleasantly at the camera.’

“It’s my blood pressure pill and I need it NOW!”  I watched in horror as the pill floated out of my grasp.  “Give it back!”  I insisted as I paddled about in circles.’

“I’ll save you, son!”  John gave me a shove that sent my back end directly into the NASA camera. ‘

Lisha Goldberg is a freelance writer and editor. She also writes a newsletter for a Boston piano studio. Lisha has won several prizes for her writing, including the Boston Herald Star Trek Competition (write a eulogy for Captain Kirk!), CompuServe's Beatle Essay Contest, and Writers Digest Magazine Award for best Inspirational Short Story.